Many of us don’t have the courage to step into our power and take ownership of our choices.  We will freely hand over our choices to other people who we deem are more experienced or more qualified than us. 

Even when we know it is not in our best interest. Even though we try and advocate for ourselves and try to get the outcomes we want. 

Especially when we are seeking permission from other people outside of us.  When we seek permission and when we are looking at other people to give us permission to do something we are powerless.

We give away all of our power, all of our choices.  We are looking at someone outside ourselves to give us the answers.

But no one is more invested than us in our outcome.  In the end result.  No one knows why you want the outcome or the reasons behind the desired outcome.

When we give away our power and allow someone else to take the wheel and decide where our path will end – it can lead to years and years of trauma, punishment, suffering and regret. 

It can be truly devastating and in some cases unforgivable.

Below I show you how you can take steps into your power and be a more confident & calm mother!

Taking ownership is hard but so freeing

Taking ownership is oh so challenging… I understand it so much.  

The ownership of our choices feel so heavy and so big and yet we are responsible for our choices every day. 

It just feels a little less heavy when we can blame shitty advice for poor outcomes…

But I’ve learnt that I am a lot harder on myself when I go against my intuition and allow someone else to take the power. 

Being a people pleaser has meant that at times I have buckled when it mattered the most.

Here are some examples:

Example #1:

The time I was in labour and a junior OB came in to talk me into a cannula… I was saying no no I don’t want it… and it wasn’t on my birth plan.  I explained it hurt and it was uncomfortable… (by the way, I am doing this in active labour) Even though I fought my entire pregnancy for no cannula.

I expected that because I had a birth plan and the midwife saw it I wouldn’t be harassed (I was very wrong!).

Apparently, you need to advocate for yourself while in active labour (Crazy).

This is what stepping into your power looks like:

Dr: We want to put a cannula into you.
Me: No thank you – Look at my birth plan and please do not suggest that again.
Dr: But blah blah blah blah blah
Me: Thank you – You can leave now.  Goodbye.

Example #2:

Health Nurse comes screaming in the door and is freaking out about the crying baby who needed a feed but I was unsure how to latch her

HN: What were you going to do if I didn’t come?
Me:  (In my head – wow okay, judgement much… I haven’t had any sleep and you are here to help but now I feel like a really bad mum…Day 1 of being home from hospital and milk not in yet)

What I say – Oh we were just about to drive 20 mins to see a Health Nurse but we knew someone was coming but we didn’t know when because well you don’t give a timeframe we are just supposed to be available during a 4 hours slot.  (in my head – please come in and berate me more)

HN:  Oh the baby has lost too much weight, sends hubby out for formula. Do you have bottles? I’m going to boil bottles on the stove!
Me: Okay… (Confused, scared, feeling like a failure of a mother).  Left at home with this crazy HN I have never met.

Stepping into your power:

HN:  Oh the baby has lost too much weight, sends hubby out for formula. Do you have bottles? I’m going to boil bottles on the stove!

Me:  No thank you. I am breastfeeding and I don’t want to feed my baby formula unless it is necessary. 

I know from attending an ABA Breastfeeding class that it is normal to lose up to 10% of weight, especially after a medicalised birth which can inflate the babies weight at birth which is why the baby loses more.

Plus its day 3 and my milk isn’t even in yet.  Can you show me how to hand express some colostrum?

Now of course at the time I couldn’t advocate for myself this way because I didn’t have the background breastfeeding knowledge – but for my second baby I did do a breastfeeding class and I did learn every mistake I had ever made (from the advice of those deemed to support newborn mothers! Shocking!).

And I breastfed her to 12 – months (which was my personal breastfeeding goal!) Whoohoo Empowering!! (More on that later.  It involves me stepping my glorious power!)

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Information is power

Information and education is power.  Knowing how things work, or why things work solves a lot of the why questions. 

It helps you to make informed choices!

As you could see in the above example I didn’t know anything about breastfeeding.  Many newborn mothers don’t know anything about breastfeeding.

Why would you need to do a breastfeeding class? It’s a natural thing, right?  Well yes, unfortunately, it is also easy to make mistakes and sabotage your breastfeeding journey. 

Especially when you have confident people hovering around you telling or demanding you to do things and they need to meet specific charts/outcomes of their own that do not leave room for different reasons for weight loss.  Ie – medicalised birth inflating babies weight.

The worst thing about all of these situations is that we are in the most vulnerable time in our lives and we are looking at anyone with more experience than us to guide us. 

The problem is not trusting others to guide us, it is trusting the wrong people to guide us – especially when they are working against us.  (not by choice – but because of old protocols, guidelines or the system).

Set yourself up for a positive outcome

As I said above, knowledge is power.  Learn as much as you can about a topic and invest in the top people to support you, guide you and empower you. 

Want to successfully breastfeed?  Go to an ABA Breastfeeding Class (do you know how many women do not do this?) I made that mistake -don’t let this sabotage your journey!

Want a positive birth experience?  Go and educate yourself with a private birthing class!
Check out this blog I wrote – 17 amazing birth resources that will blow your mind!
Check out this video Interview on Hypnobirthing

Want to be a confident & supported mother in Postpartum? 
Look into a Postpartum Doula or Support in an online membership program like mine Journey into Motherhood.
Check out my free Postpartum Plan to start planning your ideal fourth trimester! 

By educating yourself, learning about the topic and surrounding yourself with people who are passionate and experienced in the topic you are setting yourself up to step into your power and make choices that are right for you and your baby.

You will have more confidence in yourself and you will feel more confident listening to your intuition (or gut) whatever you call it!

One thing I know is that we are all born with a deep knowing.  We can feel when we are supported, empowered and loved… stay in that zone. 

Stick with the people who make you feel like your best version of yourself!

YOU HAVE GOT THIS!

Share a time you didn’t step into your power that didn’t serve you… or a time you did step into your power and owned it! 

 

Ashley Winning - The Motherhood Circle
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