We all know that spending too much time on social media can be extremely harmful to our mental health and wellbeing.
But we still can’t seem to stop ourselves from wanting to connect with people online.
We are lonelier than ever, despite our constant addiction as a society to be on social media constantly.
However social media does have some advantages that I have enjoyed over the years!
I’m sharing 5 reasons why you need more connection than social media can provide as a HSP in your freebirth pregnancy.
1. Surface level conversation
As a highly sensitive person you may have noticed that you really can’t stand surface level conversations.
Sure, they get you fitting in with society and a lot of people around you, and keep the wheels turning. It may even help you feel less lonely at times.
Small talk like how many weeks pregnant are you? Or how are you? Do you know what you are having?
General chit chat usually strangers ask or you may notice you have with some friends or family members. Often this is the surface level conversations that happen on social media.
And if I’m honest with you, this is the stuff I wish with every fibre of my being as a HSP I could avoid!
Let’s take a deeper look.
Of course, I see plenty of big questions being asked, and lots of people commenting and some giving detailed responses.
But social media doesn’t allow for that deeper and more nurturing conversation.
You usually post a question into a group and depending on the size and topic you could get a reply from five to hundreds of people all with different opinions, experiences, and ideals.
2. Messenger & DM’s has ruined good old fashioned phone calls
I would go as far as saying that Facebook messenger & DM’s has ruined a fantastic and traditional way of being able to deeply connect with someone.
Good old fashioned phone calls. It’s almost rude to call someone on the phone these days without warning them first.
I will be the first to admit sometimes I feel a bit violated if someone calls through on my phone and that’s just plain crazy!
But that’s how social media has made communication feel. Phone calls feel so taboo and old school!
We are so used to having ongoing conversations with our friends between “living” (and often using it as an addictive form of escaping our lives, or as a coping mechanism) and if the truth be told, it is plain and simple addictive!!
And as my husband once pointed out, it would take me four times longer to text what I’m trying to say than just getting on the blower and having a conversation like a real human!
Which would allow for more details, allow for tone in my speech and allow deeper connection & emotion to come through.
Call me old fashioned – but I really miss phone calls.
3. Your connection often comes from complete strangers
When you think about it, you are spending a bucket load of time connecting with absolute complete strangers.
On one hand that’s fine, it’s nice to meet new people and make connections. And don’t get me wrong here, there are many special connections to be made on social media, and the chance for a long lasting, positive friendship to bloom.
But one of the problems I see on social media, especially in Facebook groups is that women are posting into groups and asking complete strangers questions and trusting that those women would do something similar to what they would do without knowing much at all about that woman.
Usually, when taking advice or weighing up information given to us as humans it’s important to consider first the person, we are taking the information from.
Understanding their values, their support, their budget, their experience, their ideals – forming some sort of picture to know if we can even consider advice from that person.
For example – you wouldn’t take breastfeeding advice from a woman with no breastfeeding experience or knowledge, yet often I see so many women who struggled to breastfeed tell other women what to do.
Often giving very bad advice and information. (Usually what they were told that sabotaged their own journey).
Another example is women who had a traumatic C-Section and have not researched into VBAC, thinking once a C-Section is always a C-Section and you see almost wars breaking out between unlike minded people!
4. Not understanding your unique needs
You may think, it’s simple – I will join like-minded groups!
That is a good way to go, but it’s not even as black and white as finding your tribe in a group.
You might be thinking right, so I need to find myself some pro Freebirth or Homebirth groups.
Absolutely, those groups can be amazing!
They are a world of support, a wealth of knowledge and information at times.
But as a highly sensitive person you crave for deeper conversations and connections, in a safe space where you don’t have to tell your story over and over again for strangers to pick apart (depending on their mood or perspective).
It also doesn’t allow for you to be deeply vulnerable and share your true story.
Your why, your reason, your personality trait (HSP), understanding your complex needs as an individual.
So, you play small and hide some of your insecurities and real feelings you experience and create the story you need the world to see.
This is where you get a huge amount of difference in opinions in groups and may find that some of the groups have strict rules that do not allow for medicalised talk.
So you kind of feel like a bit of a fish out of water and unsure of where to turn and go to find out your medicalised questions.
You can’t go into mainstream groups, they are often ripe with over the top intervention talk that are often more harmful than good.
But you can’t ask a question in the group where at times you feel the safest in.
This may leave you feeling even more misunderstood and alone. Like you wanting to have a few medical checks like an ultrasound makes you less of a freebirther. Less extreme and not really part of the movement.
So where can you ask those questions and have those deep conversations with?
And let’s be honest, there are not many safe options for first time freebirthers out there to connect and speak openly about your journey.
5. You can’t avoid rude people
This is something that used to eat me up as a new mother and spending time with strangers on the internet.
I used to stew for hours and days about a throw away comment that some angry, judgemental, stranger would say on a post (obviously venting about something I did as a mother).
It used to make me feel like the worst mum in the world. I used to consider if what I was doing was correct and I’d feel unsure and uneasy. It’d make me upset and angry and I’d often spend my time feeling disconnected to the people that mattered most to me – my family.
I was too caught up in my feelings and emotions.
I’ve since learned how to keep myself fairly safe and protected on the internet, but I’ve got to be honest – with the state of the world at the moment, I’m finding it hard to escapes things that trigger the S**t outta me!
And a lot of the time on posts there is always a rude person who just has to be nasty, or insensitive which is easily done when you are a highly sensitive person.
Often a lot of what people say can be perceived as rude or insensitive.
To wrap up this blog – 5 Reasons why you need more connection than social media can provide as a HSP in your freebirth pregnancy
- Surface level conversation
- Messenger & DM’s has ruined good old fashioned phone calls
- Your connection often comes from complete strangers
- Not understanding your unique needs
- You can’t avoid rude people
As a hsp you desire deep connection and a space to feel safe enough to be truly vulnerable.
To open yourself up and allow your fears and insecurities to be heard. To have a conversation that flows and doesn’t have to wait for a reply or response that sometimes takes hours or days to hear back from.
When you are feeling frantic and alone in your journey you want that support & guidance then are there.
You don’t want to wait to hear back from multiple sources and then try and work out what you should do. It makes something that is often already overwhelming much more overwhelming.
Especially when the thing you crave the most is to feel calm and at peace.
Social media has its place, but it shouldn’t be the foundation of where you as a hsp gain your connection and community from.
It’s a great space to connect and make friends with, but you may find you need to pull those friendships and connections away from social media to have those deeper connections with.
If you are feeling like a fish out of water and wanting more support and connection during your freebirth pregnancy why not check out this blog – 5 Ways I support pregnant women who plan to freebirth