It can be a somewhat scary situation to try to work out whether a freebirth is the right option for you and your family.
There are so many what-ifs and unknowns when it comes to birth.
With societal pressures and cultural norms that surround us.
It’s challenging when wanting to do something that is very different to the path that society has set out for you to follow.
If you are making this choice coming from a space of having experienced childbirth trauma or having had a negative experience in the hospital system your whole body might be screaming at you that you just want to have this baby at home.
But there may be much for you to consider in this journey.
I have a few questions for you to consider that will hopefully help you make that decision for yourself and your family.
So grab a notepad and a pen and go through this process if you feel like you need to get a little deeper!
Be gentle in this process as you dig deep and listen to your heart’s calling.
1. What do I really want?
Say that out loud.
- What do I really want when I birth my baby?
- Where do I want to birth my baby?
Journal on it and let the words flow through you without judgement. Write it all down.
Or if writing isn’t your thing, say it out loud to your phone’s voice recorder so you can listen to it.
Then summarise your overall thoughts and feelings.
2. Do I want to have a midwife at my birth?
You may know that you wanna have a home birth and you’re tossing up between having it free birth and a midwife-attended birth.
Explore the differences between the two keeping in consideration your birth values, your birth vision and the pros and cons of hiring a midwife to attend your birth.
You may already know that you can’t have a midwife attend your birth for a number of reasons like the budget being effective for you or that you’re unable to find a midwife in your location or to support you in birth.
If that is the case to move forward with saying yes to freebirth you may need to recreate some of the things that you would have when hiring a midwife.
Like emotional & mindset support throughout your pregnancy and birth knowledge so you feel confident in this journey.
3. Do I want a Doula or friend/ family member present at the birth?
When you think of your birth who do you want present?
- Do you imagine having the practical and emotional support on your birthing day?
- Do you have some people in mind who may be perfect for that?
- Do you see yourself birthing alone, or just with your partner?
4. Am I comfortable with freebirth?
Sometimes it takes a little bit of back and forth with your mindset to really understand what some of your blocks might be.
You may find that your blocks are around what other people’s opinions and views on how you should birth your baby look like.
Consider and write down your response to this question am I comfortable with freebirth.
5. Have I done enough for myself?
Sometimes we don’t feel worthy of having the birth we truly desire.
We may feel like it’s selfish or not deserving. As if the world is conspiring against us and the past experiences will shape our future.
If you put in the time to heal, focus on self-love and care you will be moving towards a brighter and more joyful future.
You may feel like you need someone to work through some mindset challenges with – I offer this service and you can find out more here.
6. Do I know the pro’s & con’s?
Grab a piece of paper and write down the pro’s and con’s of a freebirth, you may like to also do this with hospital birth for example, or birth with a midwife at home.
You write down the pro’s and con’s as you see them and that makes sense to you.
7. How does my partner feel about freebirth?
Sometimes one of the biggest factors in moving forward and being able to say yes to freebirth is having your partner on board.
I feel like it’s really important that partners work together towards a path that helps them stay together and become stronger.
I often see a bit of advice in groups given out usually on the lines of “ it doesn’t matter what your partner thinks, your body, your choice”.
I agree that it is your body and you get to choose how to birth. On the other side of the coin, I feel that it is really important for two people to come together and take equal responsibility of that choice.
If your partner isn’t on board you may just need some time, education, exploration and a lot of conversations to get your partner across the line. This is of course done before conception – if you are already pregnant this pushes the deadline up fairly quickly.
You know your partner best – think of how you can have a respectful and constructive conversation around exploring freebirth as a serious option.
8. Do I need to tighten up my boundaries?
If you are anything like me you may figure stuff out best talking out loud to your bestie!
My old bestie (who is no longer in the picture due to such different views in life) was my go-to. She had babies way before me, so to me, she was the expert when it came to birth and motherhood.
As I learned more about birth and had two unplanned surgical births I realised that a lot of the information and advice I had been fed over the years was the exact way to land me in the types of situations I wanted to avoid.
It’s really important that you look at your current friendship and confidants and be mindful about who you discuss your option to freebirth with.
My sister was calling me at 38 weeks pregnant with my planned hospital VBAC baby to tell me that she was going to die if I had a vaginal birth.
That is a clear sign or red flag that I was NEVER going to disclose or discuss my plans to freebirth with her! And I never did.
It would have only caused her stress and pain and me anxiety and depression.
Set those boundaries now!
9. Consider professional support
You may not have someone to openly discuss this with.
Someone who is non-judgemental and can provide a safe space for you to unpack your feelings and thoughts.
Sometimes it is just easier to talk it out with someone who has the lived experience, who understands the mindset challenges, the fears, the worries and who can cut right to the chase.
I offer this service in my 60- Minute Clarity & Confidence Intensive Sessions which you can find out more about here!
10. Meditation is a way to soothe the soul
I am a huge fan of meditation. You may find that you feel completely overwhelmed and you are not sure where to start.
If you find this. Or you feel anxious about choosing I want you to know that it’s completely normal.
This is a big deal. This choice can take time and work, which is why I recommend seeking a professional if you need some guidance and gentle support.
Another way to calm down the panic and fear is to relax into a gentle guided meditation. Insight timer has a bunch of awesome meditations you can listen to.
Once you have calmed yourself, come back and pick one of these 10 steps. Whichever speaks to you first.
I hope these 10 questions help you to get to the answer of whether freebirth is the right choice for you or not.
If you feel like you need some extra support working through this process, I invite you to reach out to me and let’s have a chat about what support you need.